Forgiveness Doesn't Mean Going Back

I stayed in a toxic friendship for three years because I thought that's what forgiveness required.

Every time she manipulated, lied, crossed boundaries, or gaslit me, I'd remind myself that Christians are supposed to forgive seventy times seven (Matthew 18:22). So I kept going back. Kept getting hurt. Kept forgiving.

Until my pastor said something that changed everything:

"Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation."

Two Different Things

Forgiveness Is...

✅ What you do in your heart to release bitterness
✅ Choosing not to hold someone's sin against them
✅ Refusing to replay the hurt on repeat
✅ Not wishing them harm
✅ For YOUR freedom, not theirs

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." — Ephesians 4:32

Reconciliation Requires...

❗ Two people
❗ Genuine repentance
❗ Changed behavior
❗ Rebuilt trust
❗ Safe relationship dynamics

You can forgive someone and still decide they don't get access to your life anymore.

Biblical Examples

Jesus:

• Forgave everyone from the cross
• But didn't give Judas another chance to betray Him

Paul:

• Forgave those who persecuted him
• But still warned others about them (2 Timothy 4:14-15)

Joseph:

• Forgave his brothers (Genesis 50:20)
• But tested them before reconciling

Forgiveness happened. Reconciliation was conditional.

Stop the Guilt

We need to stop guilting people into relationships that aren't safe.

You can:

• Forgive your abusive parent without attending family dinners
• Forgive the friend who betrayed you without rebuilding the friendship
• Forgive the pastor who wounded you without returning to that church
• Forgive your ex without getting back together

Boundaries Are Biblical

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." — Proverbs 4:23

Forgiveness frees your heart. Boundaries protect your peace. Both can coexist.

If someone is pressuring you to reconcile before there's genuine repentance and change, they don't understand the gospel. Jesus offers forgiveness freely, but He also calls people to repentance. He doesn't ignore sin to keep the peace.

You're not a bad Christian for protecting yourself. You're a wise one.